Ep #257: How to Know When You’re Done with Grief

The Widowed Mom Podcast Krista St-Germain | How to Know When You’re Done with Grief

Do you believe that there’s some sort of false binary where you’re either grieving or done with grief?

This is just one of the myths so many people have bought into about grief, but we know that grief never ends.

Join me today to learn why you never have to worry about being done with grief, and how it’s possible to love your life and create post-traumatic growth, even if you grieve your loss forever.

Listen to the Full Episode:

It’s been long on my mind to make Mom Goes On more inclusive and accessible. That’s why I’m introducing a scholarship program aimed at encouraging diversity within our community. If you identify as a widow and feel marginalized or underrepresented, we know it can make loving life after loss more complicated. To find out more, apply for Mom Goes On, then email us here for more information on the scholarship program! 


If you want to create a future you can truly get excited about even after the loss of your spouse, I invite you to apply for Mom Goes On.

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • Why you don’t have to worry about knowing when you’re done with grief.
  • How grief never ends and why this isn’t a bad thing.
  • Why it’s possible to love your life and experience grief.


Featured on the Show:

  • Leave me a review in Apple Podcasts.
  • Interested in small-group coaching? Join us in Mom Goes On. Click here for details and next steps.
  • Join my free Facebook group, The Widowed Mom Podcast Community.
  • Follow me on Instagram!
  • If you are a Life Coach School certified coach, I’m working on an Advanced Certification in Grief and Post-Traumatic Growth Coaching just for you. If this sounds like something you would love, email us to let us know you want in on the interest list to be notified when it launches!
  • I send out several pick-me-up emails each week including announcements and details for free live coaching sessions. Enter your email in the pop-up on my home page to sign up.
  • Watch the podcast on YouTube!
  • Email us here to share your thoughts on how we can help you if you’re in early grief!


Full Episode Transcript:

Welcome to The Widowed Mom Podcast, episode 257, How to Know When You’re Done with Grief. If you’ve ever wondered how to know when you’re done with grief, I promise you aren’t alone. And in this episode I’m going to tell you exactly how to know when you’re done with grief so you can stop worrying about it for good.

Welcome to The Widowed Mom Podcast, the only podcast that offers a proven process to help you work through your grief, to grow, evolve, and create a future you can truly look forward to. Here’s your host, Master Certified life coach, grief expert, widow, and mom, Krista St-Germain.

Hey there, welcome to another episode of the podcast. So I record these podcasts early, but if all has gone according to plan, then today when you’re listening to this, if you listen on the day it releases, which will be April 29th, I will be celebrating because my daughter will be home from Costa Rica. She’s supposed to come home on the 26th, so by the time you’re listening, she should be home. I should be super happy. So that is a huge high. I have missed her even though I got to go and visit her, I still miss her.

A little bit of a low, you all, I love Taylor Swift, I really do. I’m not a Swifty, but I like Taylor Swift. She just released a playlist. She took a bunch of her songs and divided them into a playlist based on the five stages of grief. Cringe. So she put some of her songs in the denial stage and then the bargaining and the depression. Anyway, you know what I mean. This is why we keep perpetuating the myths of grief because we keep doing things like this. And I can’t blame Taylor entirely. It’s not so much about Taylor. I love Taylor. I think she’s awesome.

But it just goes to show how pervasive the myths of grief are, how pervasive it is to think of grief in five stages. So love you, Taylor, love your music. There are not just five stages of grief. That’s old, that’s outdated. Please come into current times. It actually does kind of trouble me a little bit if I’m being honest, listeners, because this is now setting up an entirely new generation to think of grief in five stages. And we know that is not how it is. We know that does not match our lived experience.

And now the recording artist with probably the biggest reach in the history of ever has just set up an entirely new generation of listeners to think of grief in five stages. [Inaudible] steps off soapbox.

Before we talk about how to know when you’re done with grief, I also want to remind you that we now have scholarships available for Mom Goes On. So if you have been wanting to join and if the price has been too steep for you, I get it, and we have scholarships available. Now, those scholarships are primarily designed to serve folks who are members of marginalized communities. Folks who would want to join but otherwise find it out of reach and are typically excluded from settings such as this.

It’s important to me that we are an inclusive program. And I am at a point now where I can provide scholarships and help with that. So if that’s something that you’re interested in, you can email us support@coachingwithkrista.com and we can give you the information. First, you do need to apply for the program and make sure it’s a good fit for you and then if it is, we can talk to you about scholarship options. So that is that.

Alright, how to know when you’re done with grief. Here’s the impetus for this podcast episode. Floating around on the socials is a video of me talking about losing Hugo and grief and post traumatic growth and all the things, probably multiple videos of me, because that’s what I talk about all the time. But there’s one particular video to which a Facebook user commented, and I quote, “You haven’t finished grieving. Your voice going up at the end of each difficult statement, work on that and re-release this promo.”

If you’re watching this on YouTube, you can see my face. If you’re just listening, you can just imagine. There’s so many things troubling about this comment, so many things. First of all, that someone would just be ballsy enough to tell me that I need to work on my grief and re-release a promo is indicative of the nerve of some folks. But more troublesome than that for me is the idea that that person thinks that you can finish grieving, that that person thinks grieving ends.

And so I am here to say once and for all, it doesn’t. Stop asking yourself how to know if you’re done with grief because you’re never done with grief. Grief is not something that ends. You know how long you’ll be grieving? For as long as they’re dead. And I don’t mean that to be a downer, I mean that to set you up for success. They’re going to be dead forever, which means you will grieve the loss forever. Remember, grief is just the natural response to a perceived loss.

Unless they somehow re-alive themselves, which I don’t think is happening, or unless somehow you no longer perceive their death as a loss, you’re always going to have a response to it. You are always going to have thoughts and feelings about their loss. So this means grief doesn’t end, and that’s not a bad thing. That’s not a bad thing. You’re going to integrate the loss into your life. You’re going to decide what you think of it. You’re going to decide who you want to be and how you want to live now that it’s happened. But it’s not going to end, so you don’t have to worry about how to know when you’re done with grief.

Don’t listen to people who tell you that you should move on or get over it or other such things that imply that somehow grief ends because it just doesn’t, it just doesn’t and you can still love your life. You can still miss them and love your life. You can still wish they hadn’t died and love your life. Do not let others convince you that there is some sort of false binary. There is not. You can still feel any emotion you feel and be fully present and on fire in your life, I promise you. I promise you.

Now, please, please do not stay in the grief plateau. If you’re barely surviving, then focus on getting to a place where you’re confident you can survive, you’re getting by. Once you are there, don’t stop. That’s what I love helping people with, by the way. I love helping women who are definitely surviving, but they just don’t feel like they’re back to loving life yet. They’re not thriving. They have not created post traumatic growth. So don’t stop there. Whether you work with me or whatever, don’t stop there.

You can still create post traumatic growth. You can still love your life again. You do not have to be grateful that they died. You do not have to be happy that they died. You can still miss them and you can still love your life. It’s really important to me that you hear that. So that when people say stupid things like that person said to me, you haven’t finished grieving. Your response is, “They just don’t get it. They just don’t know. We love them. We love them.”

And they have bought into the same nonsense about grief, the same misunderstandings, the same myths that so many people around you have bought into. We love them. They know not what they do. They just don’t get it, but you get it. That’s what matters. I want you to get it. Even if everybody around you doesn’t get it, I want you to get it, grief doesn’t end and that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. And as always, if you want help with this, come apply for Mom Goes On. That’s what I do. So I’ll help you figure out what’s in your way, get you back to loving life.

Stepping off soapbox officially. I love you. You’ve got this. Take care and I’ll see you next week. Bye bye.

If you like what you’ve been hearing on this podcast and want to create a future you can truly get excited about even after the loss of your spouse, I invite you to join my Mom Goes On coaching program. It’s small group coaching just for widowed moms like you where I’ll help you figure out what’s holding you back and give you the tools and support you need so you can move forward with confidence. Please don’t settle for a new normal that’s less than what you deserve. Go to coachingwithkrista.com and click Work With Me for details and next steps. I can’t wait to meet you.

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About your coach

I created a new life using small, manageable steps and techniques that made sense. The changes I experienced were so profound I became a Master Certified Life Coach and created a group coaching program for widows like us called Mom Goes On. It’s now my mission to show widowed moms exactly how to do what I’ve done and create a future they can look forward to.

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