Excusing Yourself from a Pity Party Without Being Rude to the Hostess

Ever thought you were having dinner with a friend only to realize he thought you were on a date?

A long-time friend invited me to dinner and because I didn’t view him as anything more, it didn’t occur to me that he might think were going on a date. I was still wearing my wedding ring, for goodness sake.

But early in the evening, it clicked. He was more dressed up than usual, more nervous than usual and sitting closer to me than he normally would. His word choices were definitely date-like.


Being a recovering people-pleaser and fearing I would hurt his feelings, I kept quiet and got through dinner. He asked me out for drinks and I politely declined with some excuse about needing to get home blah, blah, blah.

I hightailed it back to the safety of my car, shut the door and burst into tears.

I’m not ready.
I don’t want to be in the dating world again.
I want my husband back.
This wasn’t supposed to happen.
I miss him so much.
This is awful.

A Pity Party for One was happening and I went with it. I allowed myself to sit and cry and be with the sadness and loneliness. After a few minutes of ugly crying the pity party ended on its own and other better-feeling thoughts were available to me:

I’m not ready yet and that’s ok.
I don’t have to date. Ever.
I’m open to the idea that someday I might want to.
If that day comes, it will be on my terms.
I’m fine just the way I am.

I teach my clients that sometimes we just need to allow the sadness to be there so we can process it. Then it runs its course and we can move on. When we resist, react or run from it we cause other unwanted issues in our lives. Need help? Schedule a free mini-session here.

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Krista St-Germain Avatar
About your coach

I created a new life using small, manageable steps and techniques that made sense. The changes I experienced were so profound I became a Master Certified Life Coach and created a group coaching program for widows like us called Mom Goes On. It’s now my mission to show widowed moms exactly how to do what I’ve done and create a future they can look forward to.

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