Ep #347: How Teens Grieve After Losing a Parent: A Conversation with Aubrey Galyon

Welcome to The Widowed Mom Podcast, Episode 347: How Teens Grieve After Losing a Parent: A Conversation with Aubrey Galyon.

Welcome to The Widowed Mom Podcast, the only podcast that offers a proven process to help you work through your grief, to grow, evolve, and create a future you can truly look forward to. Here’s your host, Master Certified life coach, grief expert, widow, and mom, Krista St-Germain.

Hey there, welcome to another episode of the podcast. I’ve got a good one for you today. I had the privilege of interviewing Aubrey Galyon, who is the daughter of Jamie Galyon. Jamie is a member of my team, a coach, and has been a long-time Mom Goes On member. In fact, she was part of our original Mom Goes On class back in 2019. And so I’ve had the privilege of watching Aubrey through Jamie’s eyes. I’ve had the privilege of coaching Jamie on Jamie’s grief and watching this beautiful family as they go through all the milestones and navigate all the feelings and deal with all of the challenges that grief brings.

And so I was really excited to hear that A, Aubrey wrote a book, a poetry book called Prevernal Winds, which you can absolutely buy if you go to AGSprouting.com. We’ll put that in the show notes. It’s AG like Aubrey Galyon, sprouting.com. You can buy her book and I would love for us to support her in that. But I was really happy when I found out that she wrote a book and that she was willing to come and share her perspective on what it was like for her to lose her dad. Not because every teenager will have the same experience. Of course, they won’t, because grief is as unique as a fingerprint, but because most teenagers aren’t willing to talk about it, and we can learn so much by listening.

And so I’m just so grateful that Aubrey was willing to come and talk and share about her grief, and I hope that it helps you. Not that her perspective will reflect your teenager’s perspective, but maybe it might give you an insight into what it can be like for a teenager. Aubrey wasn’t a teenager when her dad died, but you’ll get it. So I hope you really enjoy my interview with Aubrey. And if you would like to support her, then go to AGSprouting.com and check out her book. All right, let’s get into my interview with Aubrey Galyon.

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Krista: All right, Aubrey, welcome to the podcast. I am glad you are here.

Aubrey: Thank you so much. I’m glad to be here.

Krista: It feels like it’s been a long time coming.

Aubrey: I know.

Krista: Instead of me introducing you, I would rather you introduce yourself. So tell the listeners a little bit about who you are, all the important stuff that we need to know about Aubrey.

Aubrey: Okay. Hi, my name’s Aubrey. So I’m Jamie Galyon’s daughter. I found out about MGO, I think around a year after my dad passed away, my mom joined the group. And then I kind of started learning more about a lot of what you guys talk about in the calls and everything and kind of found it really helpful for myself as well. And then also I worked on and published a book called Prevernal Winds. That’s about my dad and losing him and then also getting past that.

Krista: Yeah. All right, so for listeners out there, I feel like I have just watched you grow up. And I know I’ve only been in your life for a relatively short amount of time, given how long you’ve been on the planet, but it’s really cool for me to be able to have a conversation with you because when I remember, getting to know your mom first when she joined Mom Goes On, which is probably what, the fall of 2019? Your dad died in the summer of 2019. Is that right?

Aubrey: Yeah.

Krista: Yeah, you were so much littler then. So the main reason I wanted to have Aubrey on the podcast is because I want everyone to hear about her book and the process of writing the book and you to be able to share what that was like for you and everything. But also, I want people to benefit from your perspective as someone who’s lost their dad and what it was like and what helped and what didn’t help and all of those things. So let’s start, because I don’t even know, I think we did this a little bit when Jamie came on to the podcast. We’ll link to that in the show notes, but it is surviving the first year with Jamie Galyon is when Aubrey’s mom came on the podcast. But talk to us a little bit about your dad. What was he like? What do you want people to know about him? Let’s start there.

Aubrey: Well, I loved him so much. So that’s the first thing, obviously. I think the main thing I remember is just like he was always making dad jokes and like having fun and just like making us all smile. And like, I can just remember so many times when we would be like hanging out in the kitchen or the living room and just like all laughing so hard and having a really good time. And I think one of the things that has been interesting to me is that for like when he was around, I was very much like a mama’s girl and my sibling was very much like my dad’s, well not my dad’s favorite, but she loved my dad so much. So I think a lot of the time I would be with my mom and my sibling would be with my dad. So I think I’ve grappled a lot with the idea that like I felt like I didn’t give him as much love and attention as I could have. And so I’ve definitely had to deal with that guilt, feeling like I wish I had spent my time with him more wisely, I guess.

Krista: Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Your mom has described you in that way too that you were kind of always attached to her. What do you remember about the time, around when your dad got diagnosed and died and that part of your life? What do you remember?

Aubrey: Well, I was very young, and I think that the way my brain dealt with it was very much like, forget about it type of mentality. And so now looking back, I don’t have very many memories from that time period because it was just like such a traumatic thing to go through that now looking back, I don’t particularly remember it. But I do remember feeling very confused and just not really understanding what was going on or why it was going on. And I just remember everyone was really sad and I didn’t really see why, because I knew that it was a big deal, but I didn’t understand that like the diagnosis was serious and it was pretty likely that it was going to end with him passing away.

And so I definitely think that like the main memories that I have from that time was just either being confused or like being just in denial, not wanting it to be happening. And so when I was at school, I would either be like with my friends and trying to ignore the fact that it was happening or I would be in the office like calling my mom and trying to make sure things were okay with my dad.

Krista: Mm-hmm. Yeah, I can only imagine. How old were you?

Aubrey: I was nine. He was diagnosed when I was eight and he passed away when I was nine.

Krista: Okay. Yeah. That was my son’s age as well when Hugo died. Yeah. And then you had a good portion of the summer, right, when you weren’t in school when he was sick.

Aubrey: Yeah, so we got out of school around May, and then he passed away late July. And so there was definitely a pretty long period where I was home. But at that point, as I remember, which isn’t very trustworthy, I’m pretty sure he was in the hospital a lot at that point. And so I don’t really remember being at home with him very much. And the only memory I really have from the summer is that we did a trip with Inheritance of Hope, and it was to North Carolina. So we did a bunch of activities there. And I remember that was very good for me because it was like being around kids that understand.

Krista: Yeah. What was that like?

Aubrey: I don’t think before that I had really realized how hard it was to like feel so different from my classmates. I think that I was like, oh no, like, I feel like every other kid. And then once I kind of made friends at the trip, I realized like, no, this is different. There was like a certain amount of maturity there that I think is definitely something you gain with a parent being sick or passing away. So when I was around them, even though I was kind of shy about it, it definitely just felt like you can talk to them and it’s like an understanding that you get.

Krista: Mm-hmm. That’s so interesting that you didn’t really notice the difference until you were around other people your age who had lost a parent.

Aubrey: Mm-hmm.

Krista: That you didn’t feel like nobody understood. And then you get with a bunch of people that understand and you go, oh, this is, I feel the difference.

Aubrey: Yeah, for sure.

Krista: So, I know you said you became aware of your mom being in the Mom Goes On coaching program, maybe a year or so after she’d been in it. I remember her telling me that she would listen to the podcast with you and your sibling around and that you would talk about things. What do you remember her learning and teaching you? Was it helpful? What helped you?

Aubrey: Yeah, I think at the beginning, me and Alex both were somewhat, even if it wasn’t conscious, we were somewhat reluctant to taking the advice because in my mind at the time, I was like, no, this is so hard and nothing is going to help. And so I think a lot of the time my mom would say like, oh, well, let’s model this or something like that. And I just didn’t want to because I was like, it’s not going to help me. And then also I was too young to really understand what that really meant. So I don’t think it was really until seventh grade when I started to really actually like take the advice.

And a lot of the things she would tell me would be how your thoughts and like your feelings are related, but they’re not the same. And I think one of my main takeaways was that the stages of grief aren’t really real. They’re made up. And so, I think that was like the most impactful thing for me to hear because in every grief group I had been in, whether it was all ages or little kids, they’re always like, oh, okay, so there’s denial and there’s bargaining and it’s every single grief group. And so I felt like, even if it was subconscious, the pressure of like, this is how I’m supposed to be feeling right now. I’m supposed to be in like the bargaining stage or whatever.

Krista: I didn’t realize it was so pervasive for you that was you were getting it in every single group.

Aubrey: Yeah, it would be constant every single like, we did Judy’s House for a while, which was like an all-ages thing, but I was in a group specifically my age. There was this one at my school for a while. And all of those, like it really was like, we would do packets and they were all like, this is what the anger stage looks like, and this is how you can like help yourself feel better during it. And it was all not only encouraging like the idea that these are the only five things you feel during grief. It was also encouraging like the ultimate goal is just to feel happy and to not be like upset that it happened.

Krista: Oh, really?

Aubrey: Mm-hmm. It’s the impression I got. And I think there was probably more like positivity towards it than I realized at the time, but it definitely felt very pressured towards like, you can only feel these five things, and once you’re done, it’s over. You’re done. You’re fine.

Krista: Wow. That kind of hurts my heart a little bit.

Aubrey: Yeah.

Krista: Yeah. What was it like to realize that wasn’t the only way people could experience grief?

Aubrey: I honestly think it was really freeing. Because I had been told since my dad died that like, okay, well if you’re sad, that’s fine because then later you’re going to feel angry. And it’s like both the feeling that I have to feel a certain thing at a certain time, also feeling like anticipatory anxiety about what was coming, because they would say like, oh, well after depression, you’re going to feel this. And then I’d be like, but I don’t want to feel that. I’m okay with being sad instead. And so then when I found out that wasn’t really a thing, I think it was definitely freeing in that I was kind of able to be like, no, well, I’m sad he’s gone and I’m mad that it happened, but I’m also guilty for the way that I acted when he was around and like I opened myself up to have a much wider variety of emotions than just the five that they originally described.

Krista: Amazing. I love the end. If you could go back and you could talk to age nine Aubrey, what would you tell her? What would you want her to know?

Aubrey: I think there’s definitely a lot, but I definitely think that trying to get it into her head that you don’t have to follow the stages of grief. It’s okay. You can feel whatever you’re feeling. And then also just trying to be like, tell myself that the way that you acted when he was around isn’t a problem and it’s very normal for the age I was at, and that it doesn’t mean that my dad loved me any less or felt like I didn’t appreciate him because now that I’ve done so much work on it, I do realize that like, first off, there were times when I was with him, and second off, I was never rude to him or anything, and I know that he never felt hurt by it. He just knew that I loved my mom so much.

Krista: Mm-hmm. Yeah. When you say that you’ve done a lot of work, I mean, obviously you’ve been to lots of grief groups, you’ve done Inheritance of Hope, like I’m sure there’s other things you do. What do you look back and notice, oh, this was really helpful for me and maybe this wasn’t so helpful?

Aubrey: That’s a good question. I think it’s very much for me a thing of forgiveness and telling myself like, you were so young at the time, you couldn’t have understood. And the only reason that I did understand that could possibly be hurtful to anyone is because he passed away and because I matured so young. And I think just a lot of work thinking about like, it’s not your fault. You were young and also like there’s nothing you can do now.

All you can do is just like appreciate the time you did have and like love yourself for the fact that’s all you knew was what you were doing. You didn’t know how to do it any differently. And like, I was just being a kid. And then I think I definitely put too much pressure on myself when I was starting to work on it that I needed to remember every single time that I was with my dad in order to be like, oh no, see you were with him. It’s okay. And so once I kind of released that and allowed myself to just be like, no, he was around and you were around him instead of picking out every single scenario, I think it was really helpful.

Krista: Yeah, okay. So a lot of people who listen to my podcast have children your age and maybe, their children are like you young, but thinking about what from your perspective, what has helped as a child who lost her dad? What has helped you? What hasn’t helped you? I know that not everybody’s going to be helped by the same thing. So I don’t want people to think that whatever you tell them is exactly what they should go and do with their kid. But what would you like parents to know about how to help a kid in grief?

Aubrey: Mainly just acceptance of whatever the kid is feeling. And like, I never personally felt this, but I know I’ve heard a lot of people who feel this way that there’s this feeling of, oh, well let’s move on. Like it happened. It’s done, it’s over. And letting that sadness or anger, whatever feeling it is, just kind of be there. Which is another thing that I definitely learned through my mom. And being a screen is definitely one of the most helpful things I learned. And so, I think just being there for the kid and like, I think it’s less about the, I want my kid to talk to me about their grief and more of the, if they need to cry, just be a shoulder to let them cry on because for me, a lot of the time I wouldn’t have a specific reason I was crying or sad or anything, it’s just the heaviness of the grief. So I think the less pressure on like talking about why you’re sad and more just like, okay, I’m here for you. I think that’s the most encouraging way for even the kid to open up in the first place is just like being a safe person.

Krista: I’m really glad you said that, Aubrey, because so many moms are very worried when they perceive that their child is not talking. And maybe they are verbal processors and they want to talk about it. Maybe that’s not what someone else needs, but they get so worried about it. So I’m glad to hear you affirm that it’s okay to not want to talk about it. No pressure needed. Okay, so I want to hear about poetry in your life, poetry in your grief. What made you start writing in the first place? How did the book come to pass? Tell us all about that.

Aubrey: Well, I always liked to write. Like even when I was little, I like started writing really young and like fell in love with it. So I was always writing like stories or drawing stories. Like, it was always something I was interested in. I loved it even before I loved to read. It’s always been a part of me. And then after my dad passed, writing in prose, which is like the paragraphs and paragraphs of pages, it just felt too like linear. I felt like I had to write in a very certain way and it felt like I couldn’t truly be myself when I was writing it because what I was writing about was so deep and like extensive that writing it in prose couldn’t really encompass it entirely.

So I first started with kind of experimenting with writing a sentence and like splitting it up or like reading it with a certain rhythm. And then after that, I kind of discovered that like that was an actual thing and not just something I was making up. And I knew poetry existed, like I’ve read like the kids’ poetry books and stuff like that, but I had never seen any poetry that was about anything serious or really deep. It was normally like the type of poetry that’s in a nursery rhyme. So when I did discover that it existed, I started like writing it and trying it out and it was so freeing and it was so nice because I could just like let it out and I didn’t even have to worry about it being like grammatically correct or anything. It could just be whatever it needed to be and it was really nice.

And so I wrote a lot of it. I think I probably wrote some of my first poems maybe like a year and a half after my dad died, but they were not good. I’ve read them and I was so young. I was like 10, so they definitely were not very good. I think I was too focused on them being like inspirational or something. So they were very fake. But then I think it might have been like close to the end of COVID when I started letting myself write and not be like putting pressure on myself to make it super inspirational or really well written. I just kind of let it out. And that’s actually how the first poem in my book, Dandelions, that poem was written. It’s one of the first poems I ever wrote that was actually decent, and it’s the first one in my book. So I think that’s really fitting.

Krista: So when you were writing, early on, were you letting other people read what you wrote? Was it just something you were doing for yourself?

Aubrey: I think it’s been a mix when I was first starting. I think I shared it because I was trying to make it inspirational. And I wanted to like read it to people and have them be like, oh my gosh, that’s so good. You’re so talented. That type of thing. But then when I started writing more for myself, I do think that I stopped sharing it quite as much. So I didn’t actually share a lot of my poetry until probably around seventh grade. So I was definitely like open to it at the beginning and then kind of closed down again and then I opened up again.

Krista: What was it like to decide which poems were going to go in your book?

Aubrey: It was definitely not easy because there’s a lot of it. I write a very interesting variety of grief poems, but then also love poems, and then some poems about like mental health and difficult relationships. So it’s a huge variety. So I definitely was able to be like, okay, these are about grief. These go in the book. And then kind of eliminate the ones that weren’t surrounding it. And then after I decided on which ones I wanted, I kind of categorized them into, this poem is about when I found out he was dying, when he died, like that very starting moment. And then the second section I made into like pretty much right after when the grief is super intense and it’s like your whole world. And then the third section I made, I categorized all the poems that felt like, they were still sad, but it was kind of like I was not moving on, but growing with my grief and learning how to live with the grief.

And so those ones, I kind of had to write a few more because I personally feel like a lot of that stage of my life had only just started happening when I did start categorizing my book. So I wrote a few more for all of the sections, but especially the final one because it was kind of the current state I was in.

Krista: Mm-hmm. Yeah. What made you even decide, okay, this must go in a book? Like these need to be in a book.

Aubrey: I had always wanted to publish. So I knew that I wanted to publish a book. And then my favorite poet, Whitney Hanson, I kind of discovered her poetry and really, really loved it. And so she kind of showed me, like through her books, I saw how you can organize poetry in a way that each section has a bit of a different emotion or feeling. So then that’s when I was like, okay, I need these in a book and I need this out there because I wanted there to be a book by someone young, for someone young, about grief. So that’s like really what inspired me to do it.

Krista: Who are you hoping will buy your book?

Aubrey: Honestly, like anyone and everyone. I think it’s not only helpful for someone who is grieving, but for someone who probably knows someone who’s grieving or even if you just don’t even know anyone, it’s just helpful to see what that feels like so you can be empathetic to others. And then if you’re feeling it yourself to feel understood, because I know when I was reading Whitney Hanson’s books, I just felt understood and it was really nice. So I wanted to get my words out there so that people who felt alone could like see that I was also feeling similar things.

Krista: Yeah. What’s it like to imagine other people reading your poetry? Strangers who you don’t even know?

Aubrey: I think that it’s mostly really exciting because I really want those words out there. I really want people to know they’re not alone. But it also is definitely kind of hard because I’m like, this is my raw intense emotions from when the hardest thing in my life happened. So there’s a definitely a bit of nervousness that like these are like the most intense things I ever have ever written and everyone’s going to read them. But I prioritize the idea of them being understood.

Krista: Yeah. Requires some bravery, though, to put yourself out there like that.

Aubrey: Yeah.

Krista: So is there a particular poem in your book that feels really close to your heart? Maybe one you might want to tell us about or maybe share a little of?

Aubrey: Yeah, definitely. Definitely the Dandelions one. That one’s my favorite because it’s so accurate to what it felt like. It’s about the day that my dad was diagnosed. I actually do not have my book right now, so.

Krista: That’s okay. That will make people want to buy it even more.

Aubrey: Yeah, so they’ll have to wait and be patient.

Krista: So it was the first one you wrote about his actual dying and you put it in the book first.

Aubrey: So the first section, the very first poem is me like getting home and hearing that he was diagnosed. And like knowing that things were going to get bad. And then the last couple poems are about right when he died and when things started getting really hard. So it’s kind of like a slope downhill.

Krista: Yeah, I can only imagine. I have really enjoyed watching this from the sidelines, kind of through your mom, because she’s kept me updated on your progress. And what’s been really fun for me to see is, you know, a lot of people who do these kinds of things at your age do it because their parents are pushing them. And they don’t actually do a lot of the work themselves. They kind of follow along with what their parents tell them to do. And what has been really fun to see from my vantage point is how you have driven this. It has not been your mother. It has been you reaching out and figuring out how to get it published, and you wanting to plan a party and come on the podcast and it’s a really cool thing to watch. And it makes me also very excited for what else you’re going to do in your life. Do you have visions of a second book or like what’s next after this one?

Aubrey: I do. Yeah. I definitely want to keep writing poetry. I’ve been kind of at a burnout phase because I wrote so much to get it published. But I have started writing poetry that’s about mental health and surrounding around when you’re watching a family member struggling. So I really, really want that book to become something I can publish because I think there’s a lot of books about someone themselves struggling, but I haven’t seen many that are about a family member, especially a sibling, watching that and struggling with that.

Krista: Yeah.

Aubrey: So my next book I plan to be about that and about mental health.

Krista: Yeah, I love that for all of the siblings that need that support and probably feel a little invisible or not as well supported as they could be.

Aubrey: Definitely.

Krista: Yeah. Was there anything else you wanted people to know about your book that I haven’t asked you?

Aubrey: In general, I don’t think so. I’m really hoping it gets to a lot of people who need it, and I just hope that it like reaches the right audience.

Krista: Well, we’re going to link to it in the show notes so people can buy it because it’s already out. This probably will air a little bit later than when we’re recording it, but it’s definitely going to be available for people to buy. Okay, here’s another question I have for you because I think you’re in a unique position that a lot of kids who have lost their parent aren’t in, which is that you now have a blended family.

Aubrey: Yeah.

Krista: Yeah, and I love that you smiled when I asked you that question. Can you talk a little bit about what that’s like and maybe how a parent who is considering getting remarried again could be supportive of their child?

Aubrey: Yeah, that’s a very interesting one because I think a lot of my relationship with my stepdad is very different from most people with their step parents because when my mom and him first started dating, I was very upset about the whole thing. I didn’t want her to be dating. I didn’t want her to get married. I was terrified of the concept of having like a stepfather, step siblings. All of it was like, I didn’t want it at all. And so my mom and him kind of dated and then didn’t and then dated. So it was like a back and forth thing. But eventually it became like my mom sort of talked to me and my sibling and was like, yeah, this is going to be a thing. I’m pretty sure like this is going to last.

And it was really hard to hear because, once again, I was so scared of the idea. I was not very open to the idea, and so therefore, I was very closed off from Brad and didn’t talk to him, didn’t communicate with him. I was very terse with him when he was around. And so it was like interesting because my sibling loved him, like wanted everything to do with him, and they were super, super close with Brad, and I was like, I don’t want anything to do with this. So then like, they got engaged, he started moving in, got introduced to my stepsister, all of that. It was very fast, even though there were a lot of measures taken to make sure that it wasn’t fast, it still felt that really fast.

And then I don’t think it was until pretty close to the wedding that I really opened up to him and was like, okay, I’m actually okay with this. It was in the fall. I can’t believe that it was so long ago. That’s crazy. It was very interesting when I did start opening up to him because it took a lot of work for me because I did identify like, okay, I don’t like the way I’m acting in this relationship. I don’t think it’s fair to him and like I feel bad about it. So I kind of decided like I probably should try and be more open to this.

And now we’re super close. We have these things called trio nights where me, my mom, and him are at home. And we always have a meal with potatoes in it. And then we’re normally watch TV or play a game. And we’re super close now. And I think it’s important to see that relationship can change because at first the outlook was that I was never ever going to have a relationship with him and it was never going to go anywhere. And then it did change and now we are close.

And I do think like it’s really, really scary at first because things are going to change, pictures are going to be taken down and replaced with other pictures and it’s a lot, but I do think that once you get used to it, it’s very beneficial because especially for me, my dad passed when I was nine, so like I lost a fatherly figure in my life when I kind of most needed it because like that time period is when you really need a family member who is a male figure in your life. So I grew up in a household of two other females. So it was like, it was definitely different and I do think it formed a lot of who I am today. But he was kind of the first fatherly figure I had in my life since then. And I think that’s why I was reluctant at first. But then once I was like, wait, this is going to be really beneficial for me and him, I definitely opened up to it.

Krista: So maybe moms out there could have a little hope that if the first response isn’t overwhelmingly excited that it could change over time. Yeah, and then also maybe to go slow?

Aubrey: Yeah, definitely going slow. We were kind of different in how we did things in that Brad moved in like six months before they got married, which I think in a family, I guess I’ve viewed that as a little bit less normal. I kind of always imagined that they get married and then they move in. And I think that was actually very good for me that they did move in first because I kind of was able to like get used to the idea of them living in the house before being like, okay, this is official, this is forever.

And it was like first he kind of brought some stuff to the house and then he would spend one night there a week and then a couple nights and then he was staying here and then Ren would slowly come over. And it was a very like drawn out process in him slowly coming into the house and Ren slowly coming into our family. And I think that helped both us as the Galyons and them as the Judys to like not feel like suddenly we have to be a family. It’s like, we get to know each other and then we get comfortable with each other and it doesn’t have to all happen at once.

Krista: Yeah. What’s it like to still bring your dad into the conversation? Because it seems like you guys are pretty good at that.

Aubrey: Yeah, I think the main thing is that Brad has been very welcoming about that and has made it very clear that he wants to hear stories about my dad and he wants him to be fully a part of the house just as much as he was before they moved in. And I think that’s been really helpful just knowing that it’s welcome and if I have a memory come up, I’m totally welcome to like bringing it up at the kitchen. And I guess it’s just like hearing that and hearing him say like, I’m not trying to replace your dad, both of those encourage me to be like, both asking my mom about memories with him and then telling about it.

And then the interesting thing is that Brad actually worked at CU and so did my dad. So he didn’t know my dad in any way like we did, but it is interesting because he at least knew who he was as a person, which I think is also very encouraging of like, oh, well, like you at least kind of know who he is.

Krista: Right.

Aubrey: Yeah.

Krista: Or what are the odds of that?

Aubrey: Yeah, so unlikely. So that won’t help most people, but it helped me. And then I guess the way that they moved in, it didn’t feel like pictures were suddenly being taken down of him and put up of like other people and he was still very much like he was on our photo wall, he was on our mantel, like he was still present in the pictures and decorations we have. And then recently we switched the photo wall we have to like an art wall because both of our families had a lot of art, so we kind of combined that.

And Brad did this thing, he made three pieces of artwork that were like inspired by my dad. And they’re just, they’re incredible. So he made one that’s a shadow box that has a blue background with like clouds and then it has the Dumbo yellow hat with a black feather because my dad loved Dumbo like a lot, a lot. And then he took a Millennium Falcon toy and he painted it like gold and silver and then took like strips of wood and made it so that there was like a rainbow coming up from the bottom of it. So it looks like it’s like flying with rainbow beams. And then painted on Pride flags. So he painted on like a rainbow one, lesbian one, non-binary, trans, like all of them and put them on there. My dad loved Star Wars and then like we know he would have been supportive of us. And then he made, it’s super fancy. It’s like, he took this leather jacket and then put CDs on it that were INXS. And somehow made it so that when you like do certain things with it, it sings, like it plays INXS music.

Krista: Oh, wow.

Aubrey: And so it’s super incredible because…

Krista: And that was one of your dad’s favorites?

Aubrey: Yeah, he loved INXS. INXS was his favorite. So like when you do like certain stuff with it, it’ll play the music. And then, gosh, the part that like made me like cry so hard but like happy tears is that he put a button and when you press it, it plays my dad’s voice and he says like, all right, I’m going to turn this off now. And it’s just like his voice. But the reason it gets me so much is that I remember that video not from watching it, but from experiencing it. And I don’t have many memories of him. So hearing that, like I can remember the moment that happened and it’s just like very emotional, but it makes me very happy. So him doing that is just, it really shows me that he both supports us and cares so much. And so like that’s definitely the biggest way he’s been incorporated into the house and into our lives. And it’s so cool to just like see those things around the house and instantly be reminded of him and who he was.

Krista: I think you might have hit the stepdad lottery.

Aubrey: Yeah, I really do think so.

Krista: And so for listeners, at some point, I will have Brad on the podcast. We’ve been talking about that too. I would love for other people to hear what it’s like from a man’s perspective to date a widow and to blend a family and to be supportive. That’s the kind of support all widows deserve, right? And all kids who have lost a parent deserve is not someone who’s going to come in and make you try to pretend that didn’t happen, but who’s going to come in and embrace that’s an important part of your life experience and make it as easy as possible for you to share memories and to incorporate your dad in your life because he’s always going to be your dad.

Aubrey: Yeah. Definitely.

Krista: Is there anything, and well we can wrap up soon, but is there anything that you really wished I would have asked you that I didn’t or that you want people to know?

Aubrey: I think you really covered everything really well. So, I’m not sure. I did realize I do have one of my poems on my phone, so I can definitely read that.

Krista: Yes, please. That would be a perfect way to wrap up, too.

Aubrey: Okay, so this is the one that I’ve been talking about that I wrote and it’s the first one in the book.

Krista: Okay, so this is Dandelion.

Aubrey: Dandelions. That’s all I can remember. The day everything changed. I walked home seeing the fog of my breath spring and fall. That’s when Dandelions grow. They never blow through the wind in winter. I never even took off my shoes before being told to go play far from my home and from my problems. Second time home shoes off, deep breath. I’m safe and yet I feel the tension of a secret waiting to escape. Dandelions take 10 days to turn white and blow away. I was told you have what my grandmother had and all I can remember is wondering how many days until you turn from yellow to white and blow away. Dandelions don’t survive winter.

Krista: There, yeah. You’re pretty, you’re pretty amazing, kid.

Aubrey: Thank you.

Krista: Yeah. Thank you for coming to talk about your book and your life and sharing that with people. I think they’re really going to resonate with it. I’m going to get myself together over here. Okay, amazing. If you write another book, will you come back?

Aubrey: Yeah, of course.

Krista: Okay.

Aubrey: I would love to.

Krista: All right. And if people want to, I don’t want to give any personal information out about you. We will link to your show notes. Is there a way that you would want to connect with people on social media or anything like that without exposing anything about you?

Aubrey: Should we put that in the show notes if people are interested or? What do you think? I have an Instagram and Facebook. And then I have an email that’s specifically for my books so it wouldn’t connect to me in any way.

Krista: Okay.

Aubrey: So those are all three really good ways to reach out to me. And then I’ll have a link for both paperback and hardcover that we can have in there.

Krista: Amazing. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast, Aubrey.

Aubrey: Of course, thank you so much for having me.

Krista: We’ll talk to you soon.

If you like what you’ve been hearing on this podcast and want to create a future you can truly get excited about even after the loss of your spouse, I invite you to join my Mom Goes On coaching program. It’s small group coaching just for widowed moms like you where I’ll help you figure out what’s holding you back and give you the tools and support you need so you can move forward with confidence.

Please don’t settle for a new normal that’s less than what you deserve. Go to coachingwithkrista.com and click Work With Me for details and next steps. I can’t wait to meet you.