Byron Katie expressed it perfectly when she wrote, “When you argue with reality, you lose, but only one hundred percent of the time.”
Read that again.
He isn’t coming back. It’s done and can’t be undone. It’s impossible to change a single thing about how it went down. Time or energy spent trying is wasted.
The same goes with our daily reality. Now we’re the ones in charge of the finances. We’re the ones running the house and raising the kids. We’re in new territory and it’s up to us even though it wasn’t what we asked for. Railing against this reality and thinking things should be different or that we should be farther along in our grief by now just puts pain on top of our pain.
When you notice yourself arguing with reality, stop. It is what it is.
Allow yourself to feel the pain as long as you need and let it run its course. But don’t create more pain by thinking things shouldn’t be the way that they are. It’s an argument that you won’t win. Any energy you spend trying is wasted.