Ep #245: A Valentine’s Day Take-Back for Widows

The Widowed Mom Podcast Krista St-Germain | A Valentine’s Day Take-Back for Widows

In a world where Valentine’s Day is shoved down our throats, let’s approach it consciously together this year.

We get to be the boss of our experiences, so how are you going to take back Valentine’s Day for yourself?

Join me on this episode as I dig into the narratives we’ve been sold about Valentine’s Day and share my love letter to you as my way of acknowledging this day.


Listen to the Full Episode:

Join me on Tuesday, March 5th 2024 at 3:30 Central for a live Grief Plateau Masterclass! Find out more and register by clicking here. 
If you want to create a future you can truly get excited about even after the loss of your spouse, I invite you to apply for Mom Goes On.


What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • How to take back Valentine’s Day this year.
  • Why it’s worth questioning the origins and traditions of Valentine’s Day.
  • How I’m choosing to acknowledge Valentine’s Day.


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Full Episode Transcript:

Welcome to The Widowed Mom Podcast, episode 245, A Valentine’s Day Take-Back for Widows.

Welcome to The Widowed Mom Podcast, the only podcast that offers a proven process to help you work through your grief, to grow, evolve, and create a future you can truly look forward to. Here’s your host, Master Certified life coach, grief expert, widow, and mom, Krista St-Germain.

Hey there, welcome to another episode of the podcast. Did you know you can watch these podcasts on YouTube? Maybe you didn’t know that, but you can. You can search Krista St-Germain on YouTube and you will see me, face to camera recording these podcasts for you. Just so you know, if you like that better.

So I just got back from Puerto Rico as of the time I am recording this. And it was an amazing trip. It was a mastermind trip, a new mastermind for me that I’d never been to before and I met women I didn’t know, lots of different coaching styles, lots of different coaching backgrounds and a huge focus on impact.

It was really refreshing to be in a space where people were not so much talking about the business side of being a coach but were actually talking about making a difference and disrupting the patterns that we see that are causing people pain. For me, all the patterns I see, causing people suffering in grief. So it was just an awesome environment, love, love, loved it. Sad to leave the beautiful weather, but always happy to come back and sleep in my own bed. I don’t sleep nearly as well when I’m in some other bed than I do in my own. But I’m glad I went. I’m glad I’m back.

And I wanted to tell you, we’ve got plenty of time but Tuesday, March 5th, from 3:30 to 5:00pm Central, I’m going to do a live Grief Plateau Masterclass, breaking through a Grief Plateau. This is a really important subject and so I decided I want to teach another live workshop on it. So you can go to coachingwithkrista.com/griefplateau and find all the information there. I know it’s a ways out but I just want to put that in your mind so that you’re thinking about it and you don’t miss it, coachingwithkrista.com/griefplateau is where you can find all the information about that.

And I also realized that Valentine’s Day, if you’re listening to this podcast episode on Monday when it releases, is not for another week plus, I get that. But I also get that you are probably, when you go through any store, inundated with all of the Valentine’s decor and all of the Valentine’s Day commercialism that is everywhere you look. And so I wanted to do this episode a little bit ahead of time for Valentine’s Day. Also, I recognized I have not done a Valentine’s Day episode for a couple of years on the podcast now, figured we need to fix that.

So let’s go into Valentine’s Day consciously. Let’s create the experience that we want to have of Valentine’s Day and take it back. That might mean not acknowledging at all, that’s okay too. But let’s not let Valentine’s Day happen to us by talking about it now. I had to go do a little research because I really never learned much about Valentine’s Day in terms of where it came from or its origins, how old it was, those sorts of things.

So I went to the internet and what I learned is that Valentine’s Day actually goes all the way back to ancient Rome. I won’t go through the whole history because I don’t think it matters, but it has been around for a really long time. I thought it was interesting that at one point it was actually a celebration of people who got married because the women were paired with the men by a lottery. What? A lottery, can you imagine? Anyway, very old history, has progressed through time.

But what’s most interesting to me about Valentine’s Day is how in most recent times, especially in the US, it has become such a commercial operation. It is a major spending holiday. The numbers I found, according to the National Retail Federation, were that in 2020, Americans spent an estimated $27 billion on Valentine’s Day, $27 billion. That includes gifts, that includes cards, that includes dates, presents, all kinds of Valentine’s Day things. So it is big, big business. People are making money off of this holiday. Not that I’m against making money. I’m definitely not.

But I think it’s good to remind ourselves, of sometimes why this can feel like it’s shoved down our throats. Also, it feeds right into the narrative that we have happening that you can’t be happy unless you’re partnered. That the goal of life is to be in a partnered romantic relationship. And so many companies make money off of us when we believe that too.

So I just think it’s worth noting that just because we’re used to perhaps spending money on Valentine’s Day. We’re used to thinking of romantic relationships as desirable and better than not being in a partner or romantic relationship. Those things are worth questioning and at least at a minimum, worth understanding the origins of, so sidebar there.

How are we going to take it back this year? Let’s talk about that. First, we can acknowledge that however we experience Valentine’s Day is fine. And what I mean by that is that there’s not a right or a wrong. For some of us it will be something we completely avoid, don’t pay any attention to. For others it will be something that we experience a lot of pain when we think about. We can’t do it wrong, but we do get to be the boss of what we choose to think about it.

And what I mean by that is that Valentine’s Day in and of itself doesn’t have any power over us. And I get that sometimes it seems like it does, but it really doesn’t. It is a day on the calendar and you and I get to choose what we want to think about it. We can choose to think about missing our person and wishing they were here. There is nothing wrong with that. We can choose to think that we hate Valentine’s Day and it sucks and it’s stupid. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

We can choose to think that Valentine’s Day is just another day on the calendar and that it matters, or that it doesn’t. No thought that we choose about Valentine’s Day is right or wrong, but we do get to choose. So that’s an important thing to acknowledge. We get to choose and we can’t do it wrong.

Secondly, I want to encourage you to choose, do you even want to recognize it? Again, not right or wrong. If you don’t want to recognize it, just be okay with that. If you do want to recognize it, then let’s decide how you want to recognize it. So if Valentine’s Day is about love and you choose to recognize it, how could you do that? How could you show love to others who might you want to show love to? How could you show love to yourself, how might you do that?

Maybe you love buying gifts for people. Maybe you love doing things for people. Maybe you love anonymously brightening someone’s day. You could do that with Valentine’s Day. Maybe you are way overdue for some flowers or maybe you’re not. Maybe you just bought them for yourself last week, and yet you send yourself some flowers. Maybe you write yourself a love letter. Maybe you treat yourself as your own Valentine. That’s available to all of us, we can do that, why not?

I was so happy to see that a couple of Mom Goes On clients. It’s always fun to me when I see women who connected through Mom Goes On, my coaching program, get together in the real world because it’s an online program and everyone lives in completely different parts of the world. When I see them get together in person it makes me so happy. And recently a couple of my clients, who have been in the program for a long time actually, got together.

They live halfway across the country from one another, and they actually planned and held wedding ceremonies where they married themselves, made vows to themselves of love and commitment and literally married themselves. How beautiful is that? And of course, knowing these two women, it doesn’t surprise me at all because they’re amazing. But literally, we can do anything we want to do with this day. We can show love to other people. We can show love to ourselves.

I want you to pick, if you decide to celebrate it, pick a way that feels good to you. Maybe it’s a lot of things, maybe it’s one thing. I don’t care, just pick. I have a whole list of actually 50 ideas of ways that we could do it. I’m going to send it out by email. If you’re not on my email list, you should definitely go and get on it. You can go to coachingwithkrista.com and then eventually a popup will come to you and you can get on the email list that way.

But if you’re on my email list, you’ll get it automatically, to get your juices flowing and thinking about how you might want to spend Valentine’s Day, how you might want to treat yourself, do things for yourself. So take it back. You get to choose how you want to think about it. You get to choose if you want to recognize it. If you don’t, you can’t do it wrong. But you choose what’s right for you. Don’t let Valentine’s Day be the boss of you.

And before I go, I decided that the way I wanted to acknowledge you on Valentine’s Day is to write a little letter and then read it to you. Maybe you want to write a letter like this to yourself, but here’s my letter to you, and I hope you like it. I hope it hits your heart in a warm and loving way, it’s all good to me to write it. So here it is.

Dear widow, I see you. I see you and I’m so very proud of you. Life threw you a giant curveball, didn’t it? And yet you’re the kind of person who keeps getting up no matter how many times you get knocked down. A lot of people don’t understand the experience you’re having and there are a lot of people who do. As much as it might sometimes seem like you’re alone in this, I promise you, you aren’t. I know you doubt yourself sometimes. I know some days you feel like taking on the world and other days you just want to pull up the covers over your head and stay there.

I know you keep trying to improve yourself because you keep forgetting your worth and value are fully intact and not negotiable. I know you keep thinking that things need to change in order for you to feel peace. You keep forgetting that peace doesn’t happen then because now is the moment we live in. I want to remind you that you are the one, the one who gets to choose who and how she is. You are the one who gets to choose what she values and how she expresses those values.

You are the one who gets to choose whether you believe your best days are in front of you or behind you. You are not defined by your losses or your gains unless you decide you are. There is endless beauty in you and your human flaws are a part of that beauty. You are both loved and loving. You are star stuff pressed into human form, divine in your nature and made of love at your core. And even in the presence of pain, love still lives in you.

It is your great privilege to be that loving presence in the world, and perhaps more notably, to be that loving presence to all parts of yourself, even the ones you keep wishing were different. I hope you’ll remind yourself that wherever you are, love is and all is well. I love you and you’ve got this. Take care and I’ll see you next week.

If you like what you’ve been hearing on this podcast and want to create a future you can truly get excited about even after the loss of your spouse, I invite you to join my Mom Goes On coaching program. It’s small group coaching just for widowed moms like you where I’ll help you figure out what’s holding you back and give you the tools and support you need so you can move forward with confidence. Please don’t settle for a new normal that’s less than what you deserve. Go to coachingwithkrista.com and click Work With Me for details and next steps. I can’t wait to meet you.

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About your coach

I created a new life using small, manageable steps and techniques that made sense. The changes I experienced were so profound I became a Master Certified Life Coach and created a group coaching program for widows like us called Mom Goes On. It’s now my mission to show widowed moms exactly how to do what I’ve done and create a future they can look forward to.

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