Ep #153: What’s Possible

Welcome to The Widowed Mom Podcast, episode 153, What’s Possible.

Welcome to The Widowed Mom Podcast, the only podcast that offers a proven process to help you work through your grief, to grow, evolve, and create a future you can truly look forward to. Here’s your host, Master Certified life coach, grief expert, widow, and mom, Krista St. Germain.

Hey there, welcome to another episode of the podcast. I have to tell you, I have a cold. I keep thinking it will go away and then I can record this podcast episode. But I avoided it now for more than a week and it is still here. So, we are just going to record a podcast. So, I’ve got my tea with honey and I’ve been doing all the things, the zinc, and the Zicam, and the Afrin, and the Mucinex, and the vitamin C. And I just was introduced to the neti pot which wow, that’s a joy. So, I’m doing all the things but it’s not really going away just yet.

So anyway, here we are. Let’s do this podcast shall we? We’re not waiting. This is not about perfection. I’m not going to make you miss out on an episode just because my body doesn’t want to cooperate. So, let’s talk about what’s possible. I recently went to The Life Coach School’s Mastermind and that got me thinking about what’s possible for me and therefore what’s possible for you.

So, I’ve talked about it on the podcast before but The Life Coach School is a huge part of my life. It’s where I did my life coach training, my master coach training. I taught coach certification for The Life Coach School for a couple of years. My life is profoundly changed because of my involvement with Brooke Castillo and with The Life Coach School. And so, The Life Coach School Mastermind is an event that’s held once a year for certified coaches. And the last time it was held was pre COVID, so fall of 2019. So, I was very excited to go back.

I hadn’t seen any of my life coach friends in person since pre COVID which as you can imagine, it was a long time ago. So, I was really missing them and really just missing being around the people who do what I do, and love what I love, and kind of speak that language. And want to do work that matters in the world, obviously that’s what I’m into. So, Life Coach School Mastermind finally came around, it was in Austin this year. Yeah, and there were, gosh, 1500/1600 people which was a huge growth spurt since the last time.

I found it interesting that the theme of the last Life Coach School Mastermind was Impossible is Temporary. And I remember leaving that mastermind feeling really inspired. But also seeing so many things that felt impossible to me. And fast forward to spring of 2022, and it is absolutely stunning to me at how many things felt impossible in the fall of 2019 that are now done in the spring of 2022 for me. Things that I wouldn’t have thought were possible I now accept as normal.

In 2019 I had just crossed the 100K mark as a coach which was a big deal for me, by the way, and a lot of hard work. But I had just crossed that milestone. That was the main milestone that I wanted, just to be able to have a sustainable business, to be able to replace my income from my prior corporate job and be able to afford health insurance. That was my dream. The podcast, this podcast that you’re listening to had only been around for four or five months at that point in time. I was still only coaching one-on-one at that point in time.

Mom Goes On, my group coaching program was nothing more than a glimmer in my eye. And then fast forward, oh, and I wasn’t dating. And I didn’t live in this dream house that I’m living in. So fast forward to mastermind of 2022 where I now had finished my master coach certification, met the boyfriend, bought our dream house and blew that 100K mark just completely out of the water. It crossed into the seven figure, Two Comma Club, meaning that I created over a million dollars within one calendar year. What?

At that last mastermind I think there were four or five women on stage in the Two Comma Club. And this year there were 24 of us, you all, 24, 24 humans who had such an impact on the world as life coaches that they made more than a million dollars. And many of them were multiple seven figure coaches, two of them more than $10 million. Can you imagine the impact? Crazy to me, crazy to me. And I look back and I think about how I felt and what I was thinking after Hugo died. I just didn’t want my life to suck.

I just didn’t want to believe that my best days were behind me. I was not thinking about having a meaningful career and genuinely believing that I could love my life again or accomplish big goals. If you had told me after he died that I would someday quit my job and become a life coach, and help other widows, and create a business that made a million dollars in a year, I would have laughed at you, totally laughed at you. And even after I decided to quit my job that still wasn’t even something I could believe was possible. I didn’t even have my sights on that.

I just wanted to be able to replace my Learjet income. I just wanted to be able to work for myself doing work that felt meaningful and share the tools that I was learning. It did not occur to me that I could create the life that I currently have. And I feel like as it relates to the impact that you can have as a coach and what that career can be, it’s kind of like The Life Coach School and Brooke Castillo broke the four minute mile. If you remember, the four minute mile was for a long, long time, a milestone that people really didn’t think could be achieved.

And then in 1954, Roger Bannister broke it. And as soon as he broke it all of a sudden other athletes started to believe it was possible. And since then, something like 1600 athletes have run a sub four minute mile. He was the example of what was possible. And when people started to believe they could do it then that’s when they started doing it. And it’s kind of like that with life coaching, it’s like Brooke broke the four minute mile for us. She made a million dollars and she showed us the kind of impact we could have and the kind of lives that we could change.

And now it’s becoming the new normal, it’s becoming what’s possible for everyone in this beautiful young but promising industry that I am just so happy to be part of. So, I wanted to share a couple of things that I’ve learned with you and just give you permission to let your brain contemplate what could be possible that maybe you aren’t even thinking about right now. So, a few things that I learned, first of all I learned I loved being around people. I forgot how much I love being around people which is strange because I coach a lot.

And I actually have a lot of conversations with people from my home office but I forgot how much I love being around humans in person. And especially humans who are likeminded and interested in helping people, and having an impact, and living life on purpose, and those kinds of humans. I got to reconnect with and so I really, really missed that. And I also learned that I’ve known this intellectually for a while but I just keep learning it. I just keep learning that the grass really isn’t greener on the other side of a goal. And joy really is found in the present moment.

You would think that when you set a big goal and you accomplish it, like a million dollar business or multimillion dollar businesses, you would think if you hadn’t done it before that on the other side of that you would feel more safe, or happier, or your life would just somehow be better. And while it is better in many ways, what I keep learning is that money in your bank account does not mean you will feel safe. Money in your bank account does not mean you will feel happier.

And you might relate to this because if you got a life insurance payout when your spouse died and yet you don’t feel any more safe or any happier, in fact maybe you feel angry, and frustrated, and resentful towards that money, you know what this is like. I did an episode called Wealth Purgatory of this podcast that you might go back and listen to, if that’s something that you’re struggling with. But circumstances really don’t cause our feelings, they just don’t.

It’s fun to create goals and it’s fun to accomplish them but if we don’t have fun along the way we’re just totally missing the point. One of the coaches there shared that after she hit her million dollar goal she cried for three days, not that she was looking for pity but because she had kind of thought she would be a different person when she got there. And she realized no, that she was still her human self and she was still going to have the same challenging thoughts in her brain and the same patterns, and the same stuff and it’s just not arguably better.

So, I just keep bringing myself back to that, that yes, let’s go set goals. Let’s go do the impossible because it’s fun. It’s fun to think creatively. It’s fun to challenge yourself, it’s fun to grow, but let’s not do it because we’re under the illusion that life will be better if we do that. Let’s not do it because we’re under the illusion that we will somehow be better people if we achieve goals because that’s not true at all. If it is not fun on the way to wherever it is you’re going, it will not be fun when you get there. And that includes the grief experience that we’re having.

We don’t need to wish our grief away to stay present in the moment and find value in the moment. That’s where joy is found, is in the present moment. And wishing our current circumstances away means that we miss what’s right in front of us. And I don’t want that for any of us and it just keeps being proven to me over and over. It was also a reminder that you have to keep your brain in the gain. Remember the podcast episode I did called Gap Versus Gain, which is Dan Sullivan’s tool?

Even after I have achieved all of the things that I’ve achieved since the last mastermind, I still have a human brain with a built in negativity bias and so do you. And so, we all have to keep reminding our brain to focus on the gain. I was having a conversation with my friend, Clotilde de Solier. And she reminded me because I was talking about how of course you create something, a big goal and your brain immediately goes to, I can’t do it again. How can I maintain this level of success? And what if I can’t?

And my brain just kind of goes to, who do you think you are, and imposter syndrome, and all of the worries and fears. And what she said to me was something I wanted to share with you was that, she said to me, “You didn’t create a million dollar business. You created a million dollar brain. You created a brain that knows how to create success. You created a brain that can continue to serve you.” And so, I want to remind you of that too.

And to those of you who have done Mom Goes On, if you’ve graduated from my coaching program I want to offer you a similar line of thinking. You didn’t just do the program. You created a brain that is different. You created a brain that knows how to think about your feelings in ways that serve you. You created a brain that knows that you are not your thoughts. You’ve changed in ways that can never be undone. And so yes, your brain will want to go to the negative but remind it to stay focused on the gain.

And if you haven’t done Mom Goes On, where is your brain focused? Is it focused on all the shoulds? Is it focused on all the shortcomings? Is it focused on all the deficits? Or are you celebrating, even the wins that feel tiny? And by doing so are you training your brain to create more of the same? Also why haven’t you joined? Sidebar. We have to keep our brain focused on the gain. We do have a built in negativity bias.

Our brain is going to want to go to the negative. And no matter the level of goal achievement, we’ve got to keep pointing it back towards what we want it to focus on because it has a natural proclivity to focus on the negative. So, I definitely was reminded of that. And I was also reminded of how important it is to have an example of what’s possible.

So, for me so many coaches, Brooke Castillo, Kara Loewentheil, Jody Moore, Karen Crabtree, Stacey Boehman, Katrina Ubell, all these different coaches that I have been watching, none of them widows but all of them powerful female entrepreneurs. They’ve all been such examples for me. They’ve all been examples of the kind of impact that I want to have, the kind of help that I want to provide people, the kind of difference that I want to make in the world. And I hope to be that example to you, not because you want to be a life coach.

But I hope to be the example of what is possible for you as a widow, as a widow who is a mom, as a widow who is surrounded by so many people who are intent on using widowhood as an excuse to not pursue their dreams. That you don’t have to listen to any of that crap, that whatever you want, whatever life satisfaction you want, whatever dream you want, you can still chase it. You can still get it. Yes, you can’t bring your spouse back, we definitely can’t make that happen. But posttraumatic growth is possible for all of us.

A richer more satisfying life is possible for all of us and not in spite of our loss but because of it. And I hope to be the example of what is possible for you. And I also just want to thank you, whatever your part in my journey may have been, it is an important part of my journey. And I was reminded of that. So, whether we coached together back in the day when I did one-on-one coaching or maybe you’ve been part of Mom Goes On, or maybe you’ve just been quietly listening to the podcast, or quietly reading Widow Wednesday emails. I don’t know.

But either way, you matter to me and this work matters to me. And when I get in my own brain drama and I start second guessing myself and I start feeling doubt, or I start feeling insecure, or imposter syndrome creeps in, I bring myself back to you. I bring myself back to thinking about you. Where are you? What are you struggling with? Where do you need help? What tools do I have that can help you? And so, you help me get back on track. You help me get my brain focused back on what matters to me which is you and thank you for that even if we’ve never met.

So, listen, whatever you think is possible for you is only a fraction of what’s actually possible for you. I promise you that. I don’t think that it’s better or worse to have lofty goals but I do think that if there are things that your heart is tugging you to do, there are differences that you want to make in the world or things that you want to do with your life, those ideas wouldn’t have been put in your mind if it weren’t possible for you. I believe we’re given the ideas that are possible for us.

And sometimes just leaning into what seems immediately possible is what opens the door to the bigger things that we can’t even allow ourselves to think about yet. Two years ago, I would not have allowed myself to imagine the level of success that I am currently experiencing. And that’s okay, all I needed to do was focused on the next little goal, the next little dream, the next little achievement and enjoy as I go. And that’s what I want for you, alright. So, whatever you’ve got going on this week, remember, hopefully it’s not a cold. I love you and you’ve got this. Take care and I’ll see you next week. Bye bye.

If you like what you’ve been hearing on this podcast and want to create a future you can truly get excited about after the loss of your spouse, I invite you to join my Mom Goes On coaching program. It’s small group coaching just for widowed moms like you where I’ll help you figure out what’s holding you back and give you the tools and support you need so that you can move forward with confidence.

Please don’t settle for a new normal that’s less than you deserve. Go to coachingwithkrista.com and click work with me for details and the next steps. I can’t wait to meet you.