Sometimes you feel angry. Angry because he shouldn’t have died, angry because you’re left to run the house, manage the kids’ activities and keep it all together. Angry because this isn’t what you asked for or what you dreamt of.
When you are angry do you snap at your kids?
Or maybe you eat to keep the anger at bay, or shop, or clean or overwork or keep yourself so busy and distracted that you don’t have to feel it?
Perhaps you decide your anger shouldn’t be there. You put on your best happy face and try to fake it till you make it. All the while that muted anger buzzes inside of you. Almost like trying to hold a beachball under the water, you keep the anger from surfacing for hours, maybe even days, months or more. But you know on some level that it’s there and its current is heavy.
Bottom line: we make it worse when we resist any emotion, especially anger.
I recommend a different strategy.
Anger will cause less damage when you allow it to be present without reacting, avoiding or resisting. It’s simply a vibration in your body. And when allowed, it will pass through you, and probably much faster than you think.
Next time you notice yourself feeling angry, try this:
1) Identify WHERE you feel it in your body (I feel it in my chest, neck and throat)
2) Describe HOW it feels in your body (for me it feels hot, fast and tingly)
3) Say to yourself “This is anger. I am processing anger.” (silently is fine) until it runs its course (for me this takes about 90 seconds)
For some, the idea of allowing anger feels frightening and intense. We worry that if we allow anger or sadness, we will fall into a spiral and won’t be able to pull ourselves out. I promise that anger, like every other emotion, is just a vibration in your body. It will pass and you can handle it.